Camo -- It's Not Just for Gun-Totin', Capital Storming Racists Anymore.

Leftists can wear it, too.

And yet, she wanted to defund the police!

My fashion-conscious readers — and that’s all of you isn’t? it — will be excited to hear that there is now a camouflage hat among the Harris-Walz campaign merch.

That’s right — the once-reviled pattern of pickup-truck-driving, Capitol-storming, shotgun-toting Trumpsters who never in their lives picked up a New York Review of Books, is now cool. The  $40 camouflage hat was sold out within thirty minutes of its debut on the official Harris fund raising page last week, according to The New York Times. An additional $1 million in orders were received by the end of the day.

Camo, thanks to Vice Presidential Candidate Tim Walz, is cool. So is being born in Nebraska (that’s a place in the middle of the country with no skiing), going to a state college, teaching high school and – this is directly related to the camo trend -- HUNTING!!!!

True, there was a time, two weeks ago, when some tradition-bound small-minded liberals considered hunting to be a MAGA sport. But as Walz, when he was a high school teacher, created a gay-straight student alliance, libs have been forced to rethink that quaint notion.

Bleeding heart Dems who would not have a gun in the house are now considering murdering Bambi and his friend Thumper and the no-name gopher that’s been tearing up the lawn.

Sure, the fawns are cute, but we all know deer are just AirBnB for ticks.  They ate my tomatoes down to the roots and the gardener went to a lot of work for those tomatoes.  And what about last summer, driving back to Montauk, when a deer darted out in front of me and destroyed the Porsche? I’d welcome the opportunity to take out a few deer. And a Camo sports jacket at Spielberg’s fundraiser? That would be slick.

Those who once spoke of the primacy of wildlife; who blamed homeowners when Mama Bear and her cubs tossed garbage all over the yard, piously reminding their Facebook followers that the bears were here first, are now entering the name of the local gun store into the GPS.

That slovenly promiscuous bear! She brought four hoodlum cubs around this spring who destroyed the property. Four! What does she do, go onto Hinge and check “hookups and plenty of them”? Lookout, bitch, bear season is coming. What is it the hunters say? “Eat lead, Paddington Bear!!”

But now, as I know all you fashionistas are eager to get started on your camo wardrobe, let’s open it up to questions.

Is camo best worn as an accessory — for instance, the Harris-Walz cap — or should I wear it head, to toe? Is camo the new basic black?

Honestly, it’s a matter of personal politics. If you have a nagging feeling that Tim Walz should have called in the National Guard a little earlier in the wake of the rioting in Minneapolis after the George Floyd murder in 2020, a simple little camo watch band will suffice. But if you have been able to cut back on your anti-anxiety meds since Harris announced Tim Walz was her V.P. choice and sleep through the night, show your appreciation and go all out.

Won’t these outfits look smart at your next Harris-Walz fundraiser?

Do I have to hunt to wear camo?

No, not at all. Though you should know that one hour of deer stalking in the Catskills equals three hours of Spin. And some of the restaurants up there these days are very good.

In that Netflix series about the Royal Family, after Prince William kills his first stag — or some big thing with antlers — they put two streaks of its blood on his face. That seems like a great way to accessorize my camo hat. Do you agree?

Absolutely! And so do the Harris-Walz flaksters. They’ve just put a line of blood-colored highlighters on their site, with shades ranging from moose to mongoose. (Sixty-five dollars, in a darling camo compact.) And if you want to cheat, because groundhog blood looks better with your complexion, well who’s to know?

I saw a Harris-Walz camo hat on Etsy which had an American flag on the brim. Are Democrats also taking flag imagery back from the Trumpsters?

No, no, of course not. That would be going too far.