I am a believer in rational suicide and a good researcher. Things have changed at Dignitas and the acceptance of non-residents is now harder. Pegasos, in the same Swiss ‘hood as Dignitas, is more amenable. Exit International, based in Australia, is a source of updated info and help on the subject. You can buy publications and/or become a member. It is not a scam. In much of the world, going way back to ancient philosopher Seneca, rational suicide was not irrational. As Joyce makes clear, and most of us know, what goes on Stateside is often irrational and inhumane. Hope this helps a few people.
Definitely agree, but not optimistic that our State will follow NJ, Vermont, etc. Hope I’m wrong, but our Catholic Governors seem like immovable forces. On the other hand, we are not alone. 🍀🍀
Thank you, but that is a title I am happy to pass along. BTW, Herb is getting better -- the blood cancer is indeed responding to treatment. Parkinson's, as you know, is a crap shoot.
I felt such anxiety reading this piece. I’m in awe of how you described this incredible journey in search of good healthcare for your friend. You are such a devoted helpmate for Herb.
Dear Joyce, what a heart-rending, mind-bending tale, so eloquently told. At 75, I am in the same boat as your friend—basically alone in the world. My biggest health risk down the line is vascular dementia. Maybe I should write Switzerland into my health directive!
Look into it sooner rather than later; you have to make these decisions before the mind goes. And read Amy Bloom's, "In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss", about her trip to Switzerland with her husband after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It is not just wonderfully written -- Amy Bloom is a sensational writer -- it's also a course on what's involved. I doubt I would actually have the nerve; but I hope, if it comes to that, I do. -- J.
This is the column I dreaded reading and has prevented me, for weeks, from messaging you, "How's Herb?" (I knew you had your hands full.) I'm sorry you're going through this Joyce, you're a great friend and a better advocate. Sent with love, Michael
Dear Joyce, This is so beautiful, sad, and terrifying. I don't believe in a supreme being but, if I did, I would thank him/her/they/it that you are there for Herb. Best to you and Herb. May he keep getting stronger.
what wonderful friends you are bith to each other and i can sense that there is such a rapport of trust (and humor) over the years that almost certainly he has more than passing dealings of the "best" night of sex in your life and also why a re-hab center reminded you of the second-best with the now famous actor (he MUST have played an ER doctor!!! ?🤣)
all kidding aside this story is one my older sister has encountered with her ex husband and i have seen firsthand the enormity of sacrifice on her part bureaucratic fucking hell on earth
i think youboth did the right thuing and the right math and there is only the deep shame of our warring factions to show for our treatment of not only lifelong taxpaying elderly but those with physical and emotional challenges as well in the richest nation (per comfort level) that has ever existed in human history
My dear, you are a saint who is the very definition of a friend. Even in the midst of all this tsouris I loved that you could rename some agency as Gotcha’ Granny.
Being a year older than Herb, I marvel at his willingness to go through all this. I would not. The answer must be that it is hard to say goodbye and write “The End.”
Margo, Aaah, but Herb's strength is coming back, he's been writing throughout much of this, and he can still eat ice cream. He has yet to mention the word "Switzerland".
Yes Switzerland. I put the address for Dignitas / Zurich in my address book and have tempted my oldest son to take me there if the time comes by dangling a ski trip for him into the arrangement.
You write about getting old with grace, wit and compassion. Thanks.
I am still weeping. For Herb, for Joyce and for all of us. This piece underlines the simple fact that America’s health care system is a failure for the elderly and that Joyce Wadler was and is one of the most gifted journalists of the 20th and 21st centuries.
I am a believer in rational suicide and a good researcher. Things have changed at Dignitas and the acceptance of non-residents is now harder. Pegasos, in the same Swiss ‘hood as Dignitas, is more amenable. Exit International, based in Australia, is a source of updated info and help on the subject. You can buy publications and/or become a member. It is not a scam. In much of the world, going way back to ancient philosopher Seneca, rational suicide was not irrational. As Joyce makes clear, and most of us know, what goes on Stateside is often irrational and inhumane. Hope this helps a few people.
Francesca,
Thank you for the information. I'm hoping that New York State soon makes assisted suicide possible.
-- Joyce
Definitely agree, but not optimistic that our State will follow NJ, Vermont, etc. Hope I’m wrong, but our Catholic Governors seem like immovable forces. On the other hand, we are not alone. 🍀🍀
My sister and I have been there. You're a saint.
Teresa,
Thank you, but that is a title I am happy to pass along. BTW, Herb is getting better -- the blood cancer is indeed responding to treatment. Parkinson's, as you know, is a crap shoot.
- Joyce
I felt such anxiety reading this piece. I’m in awe of how you described this incredible journey in search of good healthcare for your friend. You are such a devoted helpmate for Herb.
Dear Joyce, what a heart-rending, mind-bending tale, so eloquently told. At 75, I am in the same boat as your friend—basically alone in the world. My biggest health risk down the line is vascular dementia. Maybe I should write Switzerland into my health directive!
Roberta,
Look into it sooner rather than later; you have to make these decisions before the mind goes. And read Amy Bloom's, "In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss", about her trip to Switzerland with her husband after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It is not just wonderfully written -- Amy Bloom is a sensational writer -- it's also a course on what's involved. I doubt I would actually have the nerve; but I hope, if it comes to that, I do. -- J.
American Healthcare = F'n far’kakt
This is such a touching piece Joyce.
Thank you, Judy.
I'm sure Frump will not personally have this to contend with.
No, being rich buys you decent health care.
Either being rich, or having the ability to plausibly threaten revenge.
This is the column I dreaded reading and has prevented me, for weeks, from messaging you, "How's Herb?" (I knew you had your hands full.) I'm sorry you're going through this Joyce, you're a great friend and a better advocate. Sent with love, Michael
Thank you, Mike. And thank you again for the care package.
Dear Joyce, This is so beautiful, sad, and terrifying. I don't believe in a supreme being but, if I did, I would thank him/her/they/it that you are there for Herb. Best to you and Herb. May he keep getting stronger.
Damn, Joyce, I only hope I can be as stalwart a friend as you are to Herb when Wally's number is up. Thanks and keep up the good work!
what wonderful friends you are bith to each other and i can sense that there is such a rapport of trust (and humor) over the years that almost certainly he has more than passing dealings of the "best" night of sex in your life and also why a re-hab center reminded you of the second-best with the now famous actor (he MUST have played an ER doctor!!! ?🤣)
all kidding aside this story is one my older sister has encountered with her ex husband and i have seen firsthand the enormity of sacrifice on her part bureaucratic fucking hell on earth
i think youboth did the right thuing and the right math and there is only the deep shame of our warring factions to show for our treatment of not only lifelong taxpaying elderly but those with physical and emotional challenges as well in the richest nation (per comfort level) that has ever existed in human history
take care
My dear, you are a saint who is the very definition of a friend. Even in the midst of all this tsouris I loved that you could rename some agency as Gotcha’ Granny.
Being a year older than Herb, I marvel at his willingness to go through all this. I would not. The answer must be that it is hard to say goodbye and write “The End.”
Margo, Aaah, but Herb's strength is coming back, he's been writing throughout much of this, and he can still eat ice cream. He has yet to mention the word "Switzerland".
Sounds like a damn miracle to me. Enjoy the ice cream for as long as it lasts.
Hey Margo— it’s a wonderful piece isn’t it…
For sure. And quite a detour for someone known as a humorist. Maybe that's why it was powerful. (Nice to see you here!)
so sorry that this is all sad but true
Yes Switzerland. I put the address for Dignitas / Zurich in my address book and have tempted my oldest son to take me there if the time comes by dangling a ski trip for him into the arrangement.
You write about getting old with grace, wit and compassion. Thanks.
That is about as damning an indictment as I have ever read. Keep telling it and keep up the good fight!
I am still weeping. For Herb, for Joyce and for all of us. This piece underlines the simple fact that America’s health care system is a failure for the elderly and that Joyce Wadler was and is one of the most gifted journalists of the 20th and 21st centuries.